Parent/Adult/Child Transactional Analysis and Dream Analysis

The Parent/Adult/Child or Transactional Analysis, was first brought to light by Eric Berne. He felt that we all had three aspects to our personality and that we could learn to change between them to make change and growth in our lives. Prior to Berne, Freud has similar views in that the three aspects he transcribed to were the Ego, Super Ego and the Id.

We can all witness these three aspects in ourselves if we think about a typical relationship. If we are in a romantic relationship, we may at times take on the role of a child. We may say, "Please, I really, really need a backrub, or a chocalate bar from the shop." We pout and make the puppy eyes to win our lover over to our side. At other times our partner may have behaved irresponsibly and we find ourselves saying things like, "Why would you do that? You know better than to do such a thing. I can't believe you acted like such a fool. I don't want to talk to you..go away." At other times, you become encouraging "Your going to do fine. You know you have the skills for this. Don't beat yourself up about this. You are a fine human being. You'll do great."

We see here at first the child. The child can be beguiling or the child can be afraid. "Please don't leave me. I can't do this on my own. I need you." The frightened child is passive. It fears being rejected and left alone. The child can be playful, "I bet I can beat you to the surf. Ha ha I won..yah."

Secondly we see the parent. The parent is hard. A disiplinarian, a critic. It can judge others and it definately judges us. The parent can be aggressive and hurtful. The last example is the adult. The adult is always coaching, understanding, assertive but not aggressive.

These are the three main aspects of transactional analysis. If we can hear and see them consciously, tune in to them, we can learn to have more control over them. The difficulty is that often we are unaware of their existance. We tend to have a aspect that is the one we mainly work from. This is often the child or the parent. Aggressive and critical people may work from the parent, while unassertive passive and needy people may work from the child.

Taken a step further, there is more than one child, more than one parent and more than one adult. Within these patterns of behavior is also the scripts or encriptions from our childhood. The parent often takes on the voices of those who have criticised us as a child. This can be running in our unconscious mind all day and every day. "Your so hopeless. As if you could get a good job. Your ideas are ridiculous. Your too fat. Your far too old to wear that. Look at your face, you look ten years older than you are."

This critical dialogue is often in place to protect the child. It probably helped you when you were young. Don't go down that alley. Something terrible will happen. Stop. Do not go out of your yard or you will be sorry." So, this voice had an important role. It protects the child. Now that you are older, it is still babbling away down there.

You may think you want to try something different. The critical voice will never be happy with change because it frightens the vulnerable frightened child you still carry with you. If we were aware of our aspects, a conversation between them over moving to a new town may sound like this.

Self: I'd like to apply for that new job and move.

Adult: You know what, that would be a great idea. You've done this work before. It would be terrific. What a wonderful change. You'd have a new lease on life, maybe meet new people.

Child: Nooooo, I don't want to move. I'll lose all my friends. I'm scared. They may not like us. Noooo I don't want to move.

Parent:  Well, what a stupid idea that is. Do you know how much it cost to move? What about your resposibilities here? You wouldn't get the job anyway. Lots of really clever people will be applying. Don't upset yourself by failing.

Without the awareness however, it goes more like this.

Self: I'd like to apply for that new job and move.

Adult: You know that would be greatChild: nooooo Parent Expense, loss, competition, failure Self: Naa, it's too much hassel. I'm okay where I am.

Within an instant, without any awareness, you chose to stay in a comfort zone and miss an opportunity for growth. When working with our dreams, we can begin to see the different aspects of the self. There are many more than the three Berne and Freud discuss. If we can learn to connect with these aspects, we can begin to use them in more positive ways. Dreaming gives us a beautiful avenue into the unconscious mind. Can you see these aspects within yourself. Let me know...Jackie